My Journey & My Why

How do you deal with heavy obstacles or road blocks that enter your life? Do you break down mentally, freeze and remain stagnant, numb out the pain, or self sabotage further and move in a backwards direction? Or do you look at these “obstacles/road blocks” as life lessons and challenges that you need in order to “level up” in your life.

For too many years of my life on this planet, I was living in a stagnant, comfortable zone of listening to what others believed would make a meaningful life. Get straight A’s, find a major that will lead to a steady income, look for a life partner when you’re young, listen to authority figures, follow all of the rules that are laid out, do what makes life “easy,” and you’ll never have to worry, blah, blah, blah. But I listened to these “norms” for a long time, never truly being able to find satisfaction or happiness in what those who came before me outlined as the “American Dream.” In fact, a lot of my life has been lived by allowing others make these important decisions for me. Independence and self-beliefs were not formed coherently until a heavy life event shook me to my core. It seems like a lot of us don’t tend to wake up in life until something important is taken away from us. That may mean a lost love to some, finances to others, losing family members or friends, a pet, a job, or even a will to live. In all transparency, I was well on my way to sinking into a deep depression in my early 20’s, a time that should have been hopeful and directional. My sense of purpose in life seemed impossible to find for a long time, so what was the purpose to live?

Well in the months following this life-rattling event, I wouldn’t say I was able to find the light at the end of the tunnel instantaneously. In fact, my journey to seek out personal happiness and a will to live was only just beginning. At first, I looked towards instant gratification in alcohol and relationships. Self-sabotage was the name and and numbing was the game. But of course this strategy in seeking out happiness wasn’t sustainable nor did it move me in a forward direction. With a sense of self-awareness, I longed for a better future and searched for any sign that led me to my next chapter. Within a matter of days, that sign revealed itself in the opportunity to gain my 200 Yoga Teacher Training in a foreign country and with some wonderful leaders who I looked up to. With zero hesitation, I jumped on the opportunity. Even though this opportunity wouldn’t come to fruition for another year and a half, and I had self-doubts about my personal practice and finances, I made this BIG decision with no-one else in mind but myself and it just felt RIGHT.

From that moment on, I dreamed of my future self: What jobs I could attain, what I wanted my dream partner to be like, where I wanted to live, what a healthier-self would feel like, etc. From this decision on, I started to seek out the feeling of joy and purpose through listening to my intuition, gained clarity in what I wanted in life, and made choices that led to a higher version of myself.

Once I learned to take the reins of my own life, I realized that many things had to fall apart in order for things to fall together. You could compare my past life to an abandoned house on a fault line, falling apart, piece-by-piece with every small earthquake shaking it. In reality, my past life needed a HUGE shake-up to tear the whole house down in order to be built from the ground up. In the process, I lost a lot of what I thought made up myself + some. I let go of many friendships, lost a sense of reality with COVID-19, had to say goodbye to a dear grandparent, lost my first true love, left many jobs, lost finances, homes, and more! In losing so many aspects of my life, I also gained so much in return. I started a new journey and career path as a holistic health coach, gained many quality friendships and strengthened those I already had, traveled all over the West Coast, met an amazing partner, and found many many more reasons to smile along the way. You could say that in the last couple of years, my life has flipped upside down and right side up in almost every way deemed possible. In many ways it felt like I was moving backwards but I understand now that I was just making room for something better to come. Sometimes you need to take 2-3 steps back in order to take a huge leap forward.

In my current reality, I am sitting in a coffee shop in Washington, across from a partner who brings me so much light, love, growth and adventure, working on building a business that feels 100% real and true to me, and am setting goals for myself each and every day that will lead me to what I imagine to be my abundant reality. The funny thing is, if I were to talk to my past self 5 years ago, you could say I am well on my way to my dreamy future.

If I could pass on anything to you through my story it’s that only YOU have control over cultivating the life you want to live. You may run into many obstacles along the way but there are also signs that lead you in the right direction. One may seem to “take away” the things that no longer serve you, while the other is hinting at what could be. Both are important to listen to, but only you are in control of what truly is to come. If you choose to stay stagnant, you can’t expect for things to happen for you. If you wake up in the morning and decide to do the same continuous habits, you are living in a way that brings you to a predictable and unchangeable future. You are running on autopilot and it’s dragging you to a predictable future based on what you did in the past. What leads you to an excitable and desirable future is making a conscious effort each and every day to get you there. In some cases, it takes a huge leap of faith to shake up your predictable future, other times it takes one small step at a time to move you forward. In my case, it’s taken both. You must look at the challenges and obstacles you face as the life lessons you needed to learn in order to prepare yourself for what’s to come. Many of us have formed toxic behaviors and situations in our day-to-day lives either as a way of numbing the pain from our road blocks or as a form of self-sabotage because we think we aren’t deserving of the life we dream of.

I’m here to tell you today, that it is your birthright to live the life you have dreamed of and that dream is your soul’s purpose. It takes believing that you are worthy. It takes the belief that you are already living the abundant reality that you dream of. I’m here to tell you that a manifestation of your dream reality is 100% attainable and it is never too late to get there. It’s you who has the choice to make in terms of prioritizing your life and creating your ultimate reality. So would you rather prioritize yourself or prioritize what others have conditioned you to believe is the American Dream?

The choice is yours to make and I am here to help! Whether you’re looking to take small steps in life to move you forward, need accountability, tips, advice, or even a sense of direction in paving a new path for yourself, my ultimate passion in life is helping others to cultivate more joy and guide them to manifesting their truest and dreamiest sense of reality. Let’s make dreams come true!

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